On this date thirty eight years ago, Jan and I were married. We have been through a lot in that time, most of it good, some it challenging, and some of it flat out bad. We have reared two children, and are grateful that they have grown into responsible adults. We have buried our parents and become the "older generation." We have become grandparents. Not once, not twice, but three times in the past thirteen months.
We have lived in five homes in three different cities, moving from the bustle of the Washington, DC area to the more blue collar Cincinnati, Ohio suburbs, to the small, yet growing town of Rock Hill, South Carolina. We have each taught in four different schools. Jan is currently tutoring part time, and I am working as an assistant in a law office. We have spent most of our working years traveling together to the same place, and had the blessing of having our son and daughter in the same schools with us for a good bit of the time. Jan has stuck with me through the times I was without work, when we often wondered how we were going to make it and when I seriously doubted my self-worth. There were times when her belief in me was what kept me going.
I am grateful for a wife who has been a constant in my life. There has never been a time when I doubted her love for me. She has been a support and a blessing to me throughout the years. She is one of the people God has used to mold me into who I am. I am thankful for the privilege of being her husband, her companion, her love. I consider myself most blessed man on earth.
As we enter this new stage of our journey, being grandparents, and dealing with getting a bit older, I am glad to have such a wonderful woman to travel with. Jan, I love you so much more than yesterday, and so much less than tomorrow. Happy Anniversary.
Showing posts with label my journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my journey. Show all posts
Thursday, July 5, 2018
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Father
All of us have fathers. My father was a good man. Not perfect, but good. There never was a time when I didn't know he loved me. He was a good provider and role model. I learned a great deal from him, although not as much as I could, or should, have. He was the kind of father that makes me proud to be his son.
Many folks don't have a father like that. It is heartbreaking to hear those who had fathers who were absent. Some of their fathers died while they were young, others were absent because of work or simply lack of interest. More heartbreaking are the stories of the fathers who were abusive, who treated their children in ways that no one should be treated.
Our picture of God is often colored by our experience with our earthly fathers. Some of us see God as Abba, as the loving Father who cares perfectly for his children. To us, he is Papa, Daddy. Others unfortunately, have a hard time seeing God as their Father. Their image of God is that of a King who is hard, who is demanding, who is always asking more and more of us. That saddens me, because I believe the picture we have of God has a great deal to do with how free we are able to live as his children.
I once heard someone say something which I believe will help those who struggle with the idea of God as Father. If you have trouble with that, try to imagine the perfect father, with all of the best attributes and no bad qualities. Imagine a father who always makes good and loving decisions, and who always does what is best for his children. Then, take that image and magnify it beyond comprehension. Do that and you have God.
Even the best of earthly fathers are imperfect. My father had his flaws, and I definitely have mine. But our heavenly Father, our Abba, has no flaws. He is absolutely perfect. He is everything anyone would want in a father, and more. We can't begin to imagine such a perfect father. But we can accept that he is and trust him to be exactly what we need.
Cry out to Abba. Let his furious love wash over you and let him wrap you in his arms. Crawl up in his lap and rest in his perfect care.
Many folks don't have a father like that. It is heartbreaking to hear those who had fathers who were absent. Some of their fathers died while they were young, others were absent because of work or simply lack of interest. More heartbreaking are the stories of the fathers who were abusive, who treated their children in ways that no one should be treated.
Our picture of God is often colored by our experience with our earthly fathers. Some of us see God as Abba, as the loving Father who cares perfectly for his children. To us, he is Papa, Daddy. Others unfortunately, have a hard time seeing God as their Father. Their image of God is that of a King who is hard, who is demanding, who is always asking more and more of us. That saddens me, because I believe the picture we have of God has a great deal to do with how free we are able to live as his children.
I once heard someone say something which I believe will help those who struggle with the idea of God as Father. If you have trouble with that, try to imagine the perfect father, with all of the best attributes and no bad qualities. Imagine a father who always makes good and loving decisions, and who always does what is best for his children. Then, take that image and magnify it beyond comprehension. Do that and you have God.
Even the best of earthly fathers are imperfect. My father had his flaws, and I definitely have mine. But our heavenly Father, our Abba, has no flaws. He is absolutely perfect. He is everything anyone would want in a father, and more. We can't begin to imagine such a perfect father. But we can accept that he is and trust him to be exactly what we need.
Cry out to Abba. Let his furious love wash over you and let him wrap you in his arms. Crawl up in his lap and rest in his perfect care.
Monday, January 29, 2018
Repost: Dead, Yet Alive
This was first posted on June 15, 2012.
Those of you who have read this blog over the past three or four months know that one of the topics I wrote a fair amount on was death. Death to self, dying for others. Those posts came out of some recent experiences, and as I was thinking about them the other day, I was concerned that I may have come across as a bit morose. Over the last couple of months, I have learned a few things. Believe it or not, I am still very much a work in progress and am continually learning.
The biggest thing that I am learning is the difference between what so many of us see as living, and what Scripture tells us about life. Many people (Christians included) see life as all about getting as much stuff as you can. That stuff can be money and possessions, or career satisfaction and success. It can be friends and followers, or family. It can be any number of things. The prosperity gospel preachers tell us that if we just have faith, God will give us a life filled with health and wealth, and devoid of problems. Some preachers preach that if we just love everyone, our lives will be filled with friends. Many evangelicals preach that if we follow a number of steps (based on the Bible of course) we will have great marriages, successful children, and a joyous life. Even those who look on horrified at all those things teach that if we keep all the rules our life will be wonderful.
In John 10:10, Jesus states that he came so we could have an abundant life. There are many places in Scripture where a life of following Jesus is presented as the ultimate way to live. Jesus says in Luke 17:33 that those who lose their lives for his sake will find life. In Luke 18, Jesus states that those who give up family, etc. to follow him will receive those things back, and then some. Jesus does call us to come and die. He also says that dying is the way to real, abundant life. The problem comes when we expect that abundant life to include lots of friends, success in our endeavors, good health, enough money to do anything we want, or anything else we think will make us happy. We are like those described by C.S. Lewis in Weight of Glory, “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
We tend to see life in terms of what we can see and touch, when the life Jesus offers us rises far above the mundane things of this life. We are far too easily pleased. We set our sights on things that will pass away and miss the eternal pleasures the Father has for us right now. I wonder how many of those who believe God is in the business of giving them whatever they want believe that they will have those things in the new heavens and new earth. I hope none of us really believe that the things of this earth are the things that count. We do act like it many times.
As Christ calls us to die, let us remember that he also calls us to live. Live in him.
Those of you who have read this blog over the past three or four months know that one of the topics I wrote a fair amount on was death. Death to self, dying for others. Those posts came out of some recent experiences, and as I was thinking about them the other day, I was concerned that I may have come across as a bit morose. Over the last couple of months, I have learned a few things. Believe it or not, I am still very much a work in progress and am continually learning.
The biggest thing that I am learning is the difference between what so many of us see as living, and what Scripture tells us about life. Many people (Christians included) see life as all about getting as much stuff as you can. That stuff can be money and possessions, or career satisfaction and success. It can be friends and followers, or family. It can be any number of things. The prosperity gospel preachers tell us that if we just have faith, God will give us a life filled with health and wealth, and devoid of problems. Some preachers preach that if we just love everyone, our lives will be filled with friends. Many evangelicals preach that if we follow a number of steps (based on the Bible of course) we will have great marriages, successful children, and a joyous life. Even those who look on horrified at all those things teach that if we keep all the rules our life will be wonderful.
In John 10:10, Jesus states that he came so we could have an abundant life. There are many places in Scripture where a life of following Jesus is presented as the ultimate way to live. Jesus says in Luke 17:33 that those who lose their lives for his sake will find life. In Luke 18, Jesus states that those who give up family, etc. to follow him will receive those things back, and then some. Jesus does call us to come and die. He also says that dying is the way to real, abundant life. The problem comes when we expect that abundant life to include lots of friends, success in our endeavors, good health, enough money to do anything we want, or anything else we think will make us happy. We are like those described by C.S. Lewis in Weight of Glory, “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
We tend to see life in terms of what we can see and touch, when the life Jesus offers us rises far above the mundane things of this life. We are far too easily pleased. We set our sights on things that will pass away and miss the eternal pleasures the Father has for us right now. I wonder how many of those who believe God is in the business of giving them whatever they want believe that they will have those things in the new heavens and new earth. I hope none of us really believe that the things of this earth are the things that count. We do act like it many times.
As Christ calls us to die, let us remember that he also calls us to live. Live in him.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Goodbye and Hello
2017 has passed into history. There have been a few years in recent memory to which I bid "Good riddance." This past year is not one of those. 2017 was a good year for me and my family. Jan and I became grandparents. Twice. I started a new job, which I love. There were some hiccups. It was not a perfect year, but overall it was peaceful, without the drama of some recent years.
As I look back on the past year, I am thankful for the good things that God has blessed us with. Grandchildren and the new job are right up there at the top of the list, along with a deepening of our relationship as husband and wife. Our relationships with our friends has also grown stronger, and we are grateful for them. This year has been more active than most, but we have been blessed with the energy we needed. I have no idea what 2018 holds. I hope that it is as good as 2017, but I realize that it may not be.
I don't know if your past year was good or bad. I don't know if you are looking forward to this new year or not. I do know how it feels to be glad one year is gone and also dread the coming year. While I can't totally understand what everyone goes through, I can empathize. I can also hope and pray with you that 2018 is a good year for you.
Let me encourage you to trust God this coming year. There may be times when you can't even begin to figure out what he is doing, or if he is even working at all. Those times when you can't see his hand at work, trust his heart. Trust that the Father's love for you is so strong that he will never let anything come into your life that he does not use for your good. The last part of Romans 8 is true. There is absolutely nothing on earth or in heaven that can separate you from Abba's love.
Don't live this year worrying about the state of your finances, your health, your relationships. Don't be worried about the future of the country's politics, or world affairs. The Creator of all things, who is your Father, is in complete control. Since even the fall of a tiny bird doesn't escape God's attention, trust that he has your situation firmly in hand. As Julian of Norwich said, "...all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."
May your 2018 be full of the love of Abba!
As I look back on the past year, I am thankful for the good things that God has blessed us with. Grandchildren and the new job are right up there at the top of the list, along with a deepening of our relationship as husband and wife. Our relationships with our friends has also grown stronger, and we are grateful for them. This year has been more active than most, but we have been blessed with the energy we needed. I have no idea what 2018 holds. I hope that it is as good as 2017, but I realize that it may not be.
I don't know if your past year was good or bad. I don't know if you are looking forward to this new year or not. I do know how it feels to be glad one year is gone and also dread the coming year. While I can't totally understand what everyone goes through, I can empathize. I can also hope and pray with you that 2018 is a good year for you.
Let me encourage you to trust God this coming year. There may be times when you can't even begin to figure out what he is doing, or if he is even working at all. Those times when you can't see his hand at work, trust his heart. Trust that the Father's love for you is so strong that he will never let anything come into your life that he does not use for your good. The last part of Romans 8 is true. There is absolutely nothing on earth or in heaven that can separate you from Abba's love.
Don't live this year worrying about the state of your finances, your health, your relationships. Don't be worried about the future of the country's politics, or world affairs. The Creator of all things, who is your Father, is in complete control. Since even the fall of a tiny bird doesn't escape God's attention, trust that he has your situation firmly in hand. As Julian of Norwich said, "...all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."
May your 2018 be full of the love of Abba!
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Anger
A while back, I wrote a post about the number of folks that were letting their lives be ruled by fear. It seems to me that a growing number of people are also angry. This anger may be driven by their fear. We do have more of a tendency to get angry when we're fearful or when we don't understand something or someone.
Some of the prevalent images in the news or social media lately have been images of anger, from the white supremacists with their garden party torches, to the folks on the other side who just want to tear things down. They are angry. Angry because this group of people are getting what seem like advantages that they don't have, or angry because that group is trying to assert their rights. Neither side is interested in sitting down and trying to have a conversation because they are too busy being angry. Road rage is becoming a bigger problem. Some folks will shoot you if you don't go fast enough and they have to slow down.
There are things to be angry about. Some of the folks who are expressing their anger have a legitimate gripe. I see situations almost every day that make me angry. The problem is not anger as such. The problem is letting that anger become so big that it takes over and drives everything we do. We focus on being angry and don't take that anger and let it be the fuel for positive work.
In his letter to the Ephesian church, Paul writes that we should "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." Things are going to happen that make us angry. That anger may spring from selfishness or it may be justified. It may even be "righteous anger." In that anger, we are not to sin. We are not to let that anger cause us to harm or even denigrate another person. We are to deal with that anger and whatever is causing it. If I am angry at someone because they have done something I don't like, the first thing I need to do is ask my self if the anger is justified. As I have grown older, I've become more convinced that most things are just not worth getting angry about.
The second thing that I need to do is ask if there is anything I have done against the other person. Maybe their action was a reaction to something I had done. If so, I need to try to make it right. The third thing I need to do is ask if there is anything I can do in a positive way to help the situation that I am angry about. I can be angry about injustice, but I must realize that there is only so much I can do. A hard lesson for me to learn was the fact that I can't save everybody. I can only do what God gives me to do and trust him for the outcome.
Those of us who call ourselves followers of Jesus should be the least angry people. We are to be gentle, compassionate people. Others should see the hope that is in us and want to ask aboutit. We should live lives that make people thirsty for the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus. May it be so.
Some of the prevalent images in the news or social media lately have been images of anger, from the white supremacists with their garden party torches, to the folks on the other side who just want to tear things down. They are angry. Angry because this group of people are getting what seem like advantages that they don't have, or angry because that group is trying to assert their rights. Neither side is interested in sitting down and trying to have a conversation because they are too busy being angry. Road rage is becoming a bigger problem. Some folks will shoot you if you don't go fast enough and they have to slow down.
There are things to be angry about. Some of the folks who are expressing their anger have a legitimate gripe. I see situations almost every day that make me angry. The problem is not anger as such. The problem is letting that anger become so big that it takes over and drives everything we do. We focus on being angry and don't take that anger and let it be the fuel for positive work.
In his letter to the Ephesian church, Paul writes that we should "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." Things are going to happen that make us angry. That anger may spring from selfishness or it may be justified. It may even be "righteous anger." In that anger, we are not to sin. We are not to let that anger cause us to harm or even denigrate another person. We are to deal with that anger and whatever is causing it. If I am angry at someone because they have done something I don't like, the first thing I need to do is ask my self if the anger is justified. As I have grown older, I've become more convinced that most things are just not worth getting angry about.
The second thing that I need to do is ask if there is anything I have done against the other person. Maybe their action was a reaction to something I had done. If so, I need to try to make it right. The third thing I need to do is ask if there is anything I can do in a positive way to help the situation that I am angry about. I can be angry about injustice, but I must realize that there is only so much I can do. A hard lesson for me to learn was the fact that I can't save everybody. I can only do what God gives me to do and trust him for the outcome.
Those of us who call ourselves followers of Jesus should be the least angry people. We are to be gentle, compassionate people. Others should see the hope that is in us and want to ask aboutit. We should live lives that make people thirsty for the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus. May it be so.
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Some Things I Don't Understand
A young teenage girl died this week. She left behind family and friends who loved her dearly. I know all the things that are true. She lived far longer than expected. She is no longer in pain. God is good and kind and he is in control. I know all that and I believe all that. Still, there are some things I don't understand.
Last night some of us sat with two friends of the young lady. Most of that time was spent in silence. We grieved with them. At this time, it's the only thing we could do. I spent some time wondering about the brokenness of this world and the pain that we humans have to endure. Jan and I have lost both of our parents in the last few years. That kind of thing is more normal. Children are "supposed" to outlive their parents.
This is different. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. Teenagers are not supposed to spend evenings grieving for other teenagers. People are not supposed to die that young. This world is not supposed to be the way it is. Even though I know the creation is broken and groaning because of sin, I still don't understand why it sometimes works out the way it does. Even though I know God is good and compassionate, I still don't understand why this compassion sometimes plays out the way it does.
I know and believe that my Father is loving. I know and believe that his love extends to the young lady and the family and friends she left behind. Having said that, I still have to admit that I don't understand. The only thing I can do is try to trust my Father's heart. I have to trust that Romans 8 is right, that God works in everything for the good of those who love him. I have to believe, not only for me, but in some way for my friends who lost a loved one.
I have to trust my Father because I can't trust my own understanding.
Last night some of us sat with two friends of the young lady. Most of that time was spent in silence. We grieved with them. At this time, it's the only thing we could do. I spent some time wondering about the brokenness of this world and the pain that we humans have to endure. Jan and I have lost both of our parents in the last few years. That kind of thing is more normal. Children are "supposed" to outlive their parents.
This is different. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. Teenagers are not supposed to spend evenings grieving for other teenagers. People are not supposed to die that young. This world is not supposed to be the way it is. Even though I know the creation is broken and groaning because of sin, I still don't understand why it sometimes works out the way it does. Even though I know God is good and compassionate, I still don't understand why this compassion sometimes plays out the way it does.
I know and believe that my Father is loving. I know and believe that his love extends to the young lady and the family and friends she left behind. Having said that, I still have to admit that I don't understand. The only thing I can do is try to trust my Father's heart. I have to trust that Romans 8 is right, that God works in everything for the good of those who love him. I have to believe, not only for me, but in some way for my friends who lost a loved one.
I have to trust my Father because I can't trust my own understanding.
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
So, What's Been Going On?
Last week I mentioned that a lot had been going on in my life. It's true. There have been a fair amount of changes around here. All of these changes are good and will hopefully bring further good as time passes.
The first thing that came our way was the news that our daughter and her husband are expecting. They will become parents toward the middle to end of August. Not too very long afterward came the news that our son and daughter-in-law are going to be parents as well! They are adopting a baby boy who is slated to be born sometime between the middle of July and the beginning of August. So, all of a sudden we have gone from having no grandchildren to expecting two! God has answered a lot of prayers.
In the midst of all this wonderful news, I began a new career as a legal assistant for a good friend of ours. This was an answer to prayers that have been going up for the last two years, so needless to say, I am very grateful and happy. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but so far I think I'm learning a lot of new tricks. I'm looking forward to going in to work on Mondays for the first time in quite a while. It definitely has been an adjustment and is much more challenging than anything I've done in a while, but it's certainly not boring.
Hopefully, I can be forgiven for not posting as much lately. If not, that's okay too. Sometimes certain things have to take a back seat to life. I'm going to try to be more regular in my writing, but I'm not going to make any promises. Life is good, and it marches on. I hope all of you faithful readers have good things happen to you as you continue on your journey.
The first thing that came our way was the news that our daughter and her husband are expecting. They will become parents toward the middle to end of August. Not too very long afterward came the news that our son and daughter-in-law are going to be parents as well! They are adopting a baby boy who is slated to be born sometime between the middle of July and the beginning of August. So, all of a sudden we have gone from having no grandchildren to expecting two! God has answered a lot of prayers.
In the midst of all this wonderful news, I began a new career as a legal assistant for a good friend of ours. This was an answer to prayers that have been going up for the last two years, so needless to say, I am very grateful and happy. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but so far I think I'm learning a lot of new tricks. I'm looking forward to going in to work on Mondays for the first time in quite a while. It definitely has been an adjustment and is much more challenging than anything I've done in a while, but it's certainly not boring.
Hopefully, I can be forgiven for not posting as much lately. If not, that's okay too. Sometimes certain things have to take a back seat to life. I'm going to try to be more regular in my writing, but I'm not going to make any promises. Life is good, and it marches on. I hope all of you faithful readers have good things happen to you as you continue on your journey.
Thursday, May 25, 2017
A Poem: Home Again
I wrote this one a couple weeks ago.
HOME AGAIN
It’s been said that you can’t go home again
I decided to see for myself, so I went back
Back to the places that shaped me
The places that for so long defined my life
They were still there, still the same
Yet somehow different, somehow changed
The house I grew up in seemed smaller
The tree in the front gone, the shed in the back
dilapidated
The elementary school still stands, but it too has
shrunk
So have the baseball fields where I used to play
The junior high is now a community center
The posts with dirt on top replaced by benches
My old high school has been torn down
Replaced by a new one that looks like a prison
The small town has grown into a sprawl of suburbia
Where it takes forever to drive anywhere
The chicken house has no chickens or eggs
The “giant” hogs are gone from the pen
The path up the hill through the pasture is overgrown
Just a few cows still wander the hillside
The old house has hot water now
You don’t have to heat water on a wood stove for a
bath
Cell phones have replaced the old crank wall phone
Where you listen in on other folks’ conversations
The old mules are no longer around
And the smell of Paw’s pipe is long gone
The old wooden church we used to visit is gone
Replaced by a larger brick building
Family names still dot the old graveyards
New ones have been added
They say you can’t go home again
You can, but it’s not home
Friday, May 19, 2017
A Little Bit of Poetry
Here is a poem I wrote last month and read at a local poetry reading:
A Sunny Day, Three
Teen Boys, and a Fishbowl. What Could Go Wrong?
It was a beautiful sunny day,
But the crawfish had long since ceased to be.
The teacher said, “You and your friends take that out!”
“Go to the creek to clean that nasty fishbowl.”
So, off they went, three teen boys headed down to the
creek,
On a sunny day, with a fishbowl.
What could go wrong?
The cleanup was surprisingly quick,
Considering there were three teenage boys down at the
creek.
After a minimum of horseplay, it was time to go.
Back to class, to finish the day.
So, off they trekked.
On a sunny day, with a fishbowl.
What could go wrong?
Nearing the building, they came across a gym class.
A girls’ gym class, playing softball.
So being teenage boys, on a sunny day,
They decided to stop and watch for a while.
After all, it
was such a nice day.
Who wants to be stuck inside?
What could go wrong?
Where to sit?
There were only posts, with dirt
Where the bench used to be.
The young man had new pants on, so that wouldn’t work.
“I know,” he thought,
“I’ll turn the fishbowl on its side and sit!”
What could go…
Crack!
Oops!
Something had gone wrong, terribly wrong.
The fishbowl had splintered into jagged shards of
glass,
Some of which were now embedded
Deep in the young man’s thigh.
Since they now couldn’t stay,
The three teen boys began the trek
Up two flights of stairs.
After the ambulance ride to the hospital,
The young man tried to explain to his mother
Why he thought sitting on a fishbowl was a good idea.
What could go wrong?
‘Tis strange but true,
This little story,
About a sunny day, three teen boys and a fishbowl.
After his brush with death
The young man recovered and
Lived to tell the tale.
Boy, I miss that
fishbowl.
Friday, February 17, 2017
Following Jesus: Part 2-Loving God
If we follow Jesus, we will seek to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. The problem is that we don't often really know what it is that we love. We may think that we love God, but our love actually belongs to something else. We pursue a different version of what the good life is, a different kingdom. In You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit, James K. A. Smith makes the case that we are primarily loving beings and that our love is formed by habits and liturgies that we engage in. Many of the things that we do in our day-to-day shape us and present a vision of a life worth living that is antithetical to the kingdom of God.
Smith makes the point that our love for God is formed and strengthened by the liturgy of the church through the centuries. Coming from a background where we said that we didn't do liturgy (even though it really was a liturgy of sorts,), I have come to appreciate the parts of a worship service, from the greeting and call to worship where we are welcomed by God and called to come apart and lift him up, to the benediction where we receive one final blessing from God and are sent out to bring his Kingdom to bear in our day-to-day. In between, we sing praises to God, confess our sin and receive a reminder of his forgiveness. We give a portion of what God has given to us as an act of worship, and we hear the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus from the words of Scripture. We gather around the table and remember what Christ has done for us and receive a foretaste of the feast to come in the new heavens and earth.
All of these things have deepened my love for God, his Kingdom, and his people. I have found that they have begun to work in me to wean my heart from those things the culture says we need to flourish. I have a long way to go, but I am confident that God will continue to work in me and give me a heart for him.
May we all come to love our Father more and more.
Smith makes the point that our love for God is formed and strengthened by the liturgy of the church through the centuries. Coming from a background where we said that we didn't do liturgy (even though it really was a liturgy of sorts,), I have come to appreciate the parts of a worship service, from the greeting and call to worship where we are welcomed by God and called to come apart and lift him up, to the benediction where we receive one final blessing from God and are sent out to bring his Kingdom to bear in our day-to-day. In between, we sing praises to God, confess our sin and receive a reminder of his forgiveness. We give a portion of what God has given to us as an act of worship, and we hear the truth, goodness, and beauty of Jesus from the words of Scripture. We gather around the table and remember what Christ has done for us and receive a foretaste of the feast to come in the new heavens and earth.
All of these things have deepened my love for God, his Kingdom, and his people. I have found that they have begun to work in me to wean my heart from those things the culture says we need to flourish. I have a long way to go, but I am confident that God will continue to work in me and give me a heart for him.
May we all come to love our Father more and more.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Blast From the Past: Light
This was first posted on August 25, 2009.
Sunday morning we were talking about 1 John 1:5 , where John declares that God is light. That verse is one of the few times where Scripture says God is something. It's hard for me to imagine pure light with no darkness at all. God is light, and that light is so pure that it is impossible for one of us to see God and live. Maybe taking the idea of staring at the sun and multiplying it by infinity might approach the idea of God being light, but probably not.
Now think of Adam and Eve in the Garden before the Fall, spending their time in God's presence. They walked and talked with their Creator. Were they pure enough to be able to see the glory of God and still live? I think that they were, even though I can't wrap my tiny brain around that. Unfortunately, that purity and close relationship was broken by sin, and people could no longer stand to see God. Moses only saw the afterglow of God's presence and had to put a veil on because the people couldn't even stand to look on that reflection of God's glory.
Then along comes Jesus, the One called the Light of the world. He revealed the Father to us and abolished the barrier between us and God by his death, burial, and resurrection. Now we are the light of the world. Think about what that means. If people are to see the glory of God, they will see it in those of us who follow Jesus. Jesus said that people don't take a light and hide it, but rather allow it's light to shine. In the same way, we are not to hide the light of God that is in us, but we are to live our lives in such a way that people see God in us.
I believe that we let our light shine by taking it where the darkness is. If you light a candle outside on a sunny day, there is not much light seen from that candle. In the same way, if the only time we shine is when we are with other followers of Jesus, our light is not going to be as bright. We also can't sit behind walls and lob "truth grenades" at those outside and expect any light to be seen. We need to shine where those living in darkness can see God's light in us.
Sunday morning we were talking about 1 John 1:5 , where John declares that God is light. That verse is one of the few times where Scripture says God is something. It's hard for me to imagine pure light with no darkness at all. God is light, and that light is so pure that it is impossible for one of us to see God and live. Maybe taking the idea of staring at the sun and multiplying it by infinity might approach the idea of God being light, but probably not.
Now think of Adam and Eve in the Garden before the Fall, spending their time in God's presence. They walked and talked with their Creator. Were they pure enough to be able to see the glory of God and still live? I think that they were, even though I can't wrap my tiny brain around that. Unfortunately, that purity and close relationship was broken by sin, and people could no longer stand to see God. Moses only saw the afterglow of God's presence and had to put a veil on because the people couldn't even stand to look on that reflection of God's glory.
Then along comes Jesus, the One called the Light of the world. He revealed the Father to us and abolished the barrier between us and God by his death, burial, and resurrection. Now we are the light of the world. Think about what that means. If people are to see the glory of God, they will see it in those of us who follow Jesus. Jesus said that people don't take a light and hide it, but rather allow it's light to shine. In the same way, we are not to hide the light of God that is in us, but we are to live our lives in such a way that people see God in us.
I believe that we let our light shine by taking it where the darkness is. If you light a candle outside on a sunny day, there is not much light seen from that candle. In the same way, if the only time we shine is when we are with other followers of Jesus, our light is not going to be as bright. We also can't sit behind walls and lob "truth grenades" at those outside and expect any light to be seen. We need to shine where those living in darkness can see God's light in us.
Friday, January 6, 2017
Church Signs: "A Church Alive...
...Is Worth the Drive."
This was on the sign in front of a church just down the road from our house. Now, I have no firsthand knowledge of how "alive" this church is, so I won't address that. My issue is more with the idea of making a (possibly long) drive to a church.
When Jan and I were in the process of trying to find a church a few years ago, we visited a few churches within the metro area of which our city is a part. Most of them had good things going for them, and probably could be considered "alive" by most folks. None of them had any doctrinal issues that would have been a deal breaker.
There was one thing that steered us away from all of these churches. They were all at least a twenty to thirty minute drive from our house. While that would have been fine if all we were looking for was a Sunday morning worship service, we were looking for something quite different. We were looking for community, a place where we could serve, love, and be loved. We were looking for a group that we could join with in living as brothers and sisters who saw life together as the church as far more than just a once or twice a week meeting. We wanted a spiritual family that spent time fellowshipping and discipling as a part of day-to-day life.
We wanted to serve with the folks we worshipped with and worship with the folks we served with. We desired to be fully part of a community of faith. Fortunately, we have found that and I can't imagine traveling one day a week to worship with people who I only see on that day.
There are a lot of folks who do prefer the drive in order to find a church which is "alive." I know that there are churches like that who do kingdom work and truly make disciples. However, I believe that the model of smaller, parish type churches who live in community and are a part of the neighborhood where they are located are what is going to do the most work for the kingdom in the days to come. I believe that a time may come in this country when followers of Jesus will have to live in community in order to continue. It might do us good if we started now.
This was on the sign in front of a church just down the road from our house. Now, I have no firsthand knowledge of how "alive" this church is, so I won't address that. My issue is more with the idea of making a (possibly long) drive to a church.
When Jan and I were in the process of trying to find a church a few years ago, we visited a few churches within the metro area of which our city is a part. Most of them had good things going for them, and probably could be considered "alive" by most folks. None of them had any doctrinal issues that would have been a deal breaker.
There was one thing that steered us away from all of these churches. They were all at least a twenty to thirty minute drive from our house. While that would have been fine if all we were looking for was a Sunday morning worship service, we were looking for something quite different. We were looking for community, a place where we could serve, love, and be loved. We were looking for a group that we could join with in living as brothers and sisters who saw life together as the church as far more than just a once or twice a week meeting. We wanted a spiritual family that spent time fellowshipping and discipling as a part of day-to-day life.
We wanted to serve with the folks we worshipped with and worship with the folks we served with. We desired to be fully part of a community of faith. Fortunately, we have found that and I can't imagine traveling one day a week to worship with people who I only see on that day.
There are a lot of folks who do prefer the drive in order to find a church which is "alive." I know that there are churches like that who do kingdom work and truly make disciples. However, I believe that the model of smaller, parish type churches who live in community and are a part of the neighborhood where they are located are what is going to do the most work for the kingdom in the days to come. I believe that a time may come in this country when followers of Jesus will have to live in community in order to continue. It might do us good if we started now.
Friday, December 23, 2016
Just Jesus and Me?
When I was growing up, we used to sing a song about how it was "Jesus and me" traveling the road of life together. This went right along with the idea that salvation was an individual thing and that Jesus was "my personal Savior." While there is a sense in which God redeems us as individuals, I believe that there is much more to the work of Christ than just Jesus and me.
I no longer believe that following Jesus is just about making him your personal Savior or that the Christian life is lived individually. As I have studied Scripture I have come to believe that when God calls us and makes us his children, he is making us members of a family, a body. The word for church means a called out assembly, not a collection of separate individuals.
The idea that salvation and the Christian life is an individual thing has done damage to the body of Christ. If you look around at the Church in the United States you see the results of an individualistic faith. In many places there is a lack of commitment to the larger body. People move from church to church for various reasons. Many times folks leave because of problems in relationships. Someone has done something against them and it's easier to simply find another church than do the hard work of repenting, forgiving, and reconciling. It seems as if many look for a place where they can be served and "fed" (whatever that means) by a weekly concert and inspirational talk. They aren't looking for community, or they don't understand what community entails.
We are redeemed to be part of one another. We are a body and each part of the body needs each other part. I believe the day may come when those who claim Christ will have to come together and live as one body. We will no longer have the luxury of dividing over things that are not worth dividing over. We will be forced to live in harmony, forgiving each other no matter how many times they sin against us and loving each other with a selfless love, just as Jesus loved us. Maybe we ought to start doing that now so it won't be such a shock.
May God help us to live together as fellow children of the Father who are members of one body.
I no longer believe that following Jesus is just about making him your personal Savior or that the Christian life is lived individually. As I have studied Scripture I have come to believe that when God calls us and makes us his children, he is making us members of a family, a body. The word for church means a called out assembly, not a collection of separate individuals.
The idea that salvation and the Christian life is an individual thing has done damage to the body of Christ. If you look around at the Church in the United States you see the results of an individualistic faith. In many places there is a lack of commitment to the larger body. People move from church to church for various reasons. Many times folks leave because of problems in relationships. Someone has done something against them and it's easier to simply find another church than do the hard work of repenting, forgiving, and reconciling. It seems as if many look for a place where they can be served and "fed" (whatever that means) by a weekly concert and inspirational talk. They aren't looking for community, or they don't understand what community entails.
We are redeemed to be part of one another. We are a body and each part of the body needs each other part. I believe the day may come when those who claim Christ will have to come together and live as one body. We will no longer have the luxury of dividing over things that are not worth dividing over. We will be forced to live in harmony, forgiving each other no matter how many times they sin against us and loving each other with a selfless love, just as Jesus loved us. Maybe we ought to start doing that now so it won't be such a shock.
May God help us to live together as fellow children of the Father who are members of one body.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Advent
I'm thankful for the season of the church calendar called Advent. To me, it is a good antidote to the sometimes crazy Christmas season. This year the message of longing, hope, and anticipation resonates with me more than it has in previous years.
This has been a tough year. Ten people that I know have died this year, including my father-in-law, a dear friend, and some of my bus passengers, among others. Add to that the craziness of the political scene and other things, and I pray, "Even so, come Lord Jesus," with more longing. As the people of Israel longed for their Messiah to come and deliver them, so I long for the King to return and set all things to right. I long for the day when all will be restored, when everything sad will become untrue.
Fortunately, along with the longing there is hope. Simeon and Anna lived with hope that the Messiah would come and their hope was rewarded. We can have hope that our Savior will return as he promised and that all our longing will be fulfilled. Because we know our Father loves us, we can live in expectancy that he will do as he has promised.
Embrace the longing, the unmet desires of the heart. Trust that all of the promises of a new creation will be kept. Celebrate the season as one who waits and hopes for the fulfillment of what our Christmas celebrations are but a dream.
This has been a tough year. Ten people that I know have died this year, including my father-in-law, a dear friend, and some of my bus passengers, among others. Add to that the craziness of the political scene and other things, and I pray, "Even so, come Lord Jesus," with more longing. As the people of Israel longed for their Messiah to come and deliver them, so I long for the King to return and set all things to right. I long for the day when all will be restored, when everything sad will become untrue.
Fortunately, along with the longing there is hope. Simeon and Anna lived with hope that the Messiah would come and their hope was rewarded. We can have hope that our Savior will return as he promised and that all our longing will be fulfilled. Because we know our Father loves us, we can live in expectancy that he will do as he has promised.
Embrace the longing, the unmet desires of the heart. Trust that all of the promises of a new creation will be kept. Celebrate the season as one who waits and hopes for the fulfillment of what our Christmas celebrations are but a dream.
Monday, October 10, 2016
Blast From the Past: Dreaming Again. Or Not
This was first posted on July 23, 2008. Nothing has changed.
Most of my life I've heard that God wants us to "dream big", "attempt great things for God, expect great things from God", and desire to be "greatly used". Well, I've dreamed big dreams and I've asked God to let me do great things for him. And, guess what? *crickets chirping*
That's right. Nothing has come of those dreams. In fact, most of them have crashed and burned. The dreams have ranged from competing in the Olympics (or at least getting to the Trials), to coaching college basketball and building a program that would be among the best in the country and having a ministry that would deeply impact the campus. I've even dreamed of of helping plant a church that would touch my community and advance the community. I've followed the advice of Christian motivational speakers and asked God to give me his dream for me, and I really believed he had done this.
I have come to the point in my life where I am done with dreaming. I believe that God does give some big dreams and big things to do for the Kingdom. I don't believe that I'm one of those people. Through my reading (Bible, blogs, and books), praying, and thinking, I've come to believe that God has called me to simply be a follower of Jesus. He is telling me to not worry about where the road is going to go, or what I am going to do along the journey. When I ask, he just says, "You'll find out". There were a lot of followers of Jesus in the 1st century that didn't make it into the New Testament or any of the writings of the time, but they were faithful to what God called them to do. That's what the Father is calling me to be. And, I'm okay with that.
I've often described my walk with God as a journey on the back roads. One of the things about the back roads is that they are away from the crowds, away from the spotlight. Back roads are not the places to do great things or become famous. They are places where a traveler can slow down and get to know their companions, where those you encounter are more likely to give and accept anything that is needed.
So, I'll continue following my Teacher and Friend down the back roads (and sometimes along narrow trails). There's a lot to see along the way and many interesting people to meet. And at the end, I look forward to the Father saying, "Welcome home".
Most of my life I've heard that God wants us to "dream big", "attempt great things for God, expect great things from God", and desire to be "greatly used". Well, I've dreamed big dreams and I've asked God to let me do great things for him. And, guess what? *crickets chirping*
That's right. Nothing has come of those dreams. In fact, most of them have crashed and burned. The dreams have ranged from competing in the Olympics (or at least getting to the Trials), to coaching college basketball and building a program that would be among the best in the country and having a ministry that would deeply impact the campus. I've even dreamed of of helping plant a church that would touch my community and advance the community. I've followed the advice of Christian motivational speakers and asked God to give me his dream for me, and I really believed he had done this.
I have come to the point in my life where I am done with dreaming. I believe that God does give some big dreams and big things to do for the Kingdom. I don't believe that I'm one of those people. Through my reading (Bible, blogs, and books), praying, and thinking, I've come to believe that God has called me to simply be a follower of Jesus. He is telling me to not worry about where the road is going to go, or what I am going to do along the journey. When I ask, he just says, "You'll find out". There were a lot of followers of Jesus in the 1st century that didn't make it into the New Testament or any of the writings of the time, but they were faithful to what God called them to do. That's what the Father is calling me to be. And, I'm okay with that.
I've often described my walk with God as a journey on the back roads. One of the things about the back roads is that they are away from the crowds, away from the spotlight. Back roads are not the places to do great things or become famous. They are places where a traveler can slow down and get to know their companions, where those you encounter are more likely to give and accept anything that is needed.
So, I'll continue following my Teacher and Friend down the back roads (and sometimes along narrow trails). There's a lot to see along the way and many interesting people to meet. And at the end, I look forward to the Father saying, "Welcome home".
Friday, September 30, 2016
Ten Years Ago, Part 2
It was a beautiful early Fall day, and my dad and I had travelled down to the Charleston, SC area to watch his grandson, my nephew, play soccer. My mom had passed away thirty-three days earlier. I didn't really want to be gone from home that day but drove him down because he really wanted to go.
I'm glad I went, because that day would be the last time I would see my father in this life. During halftime of the soccer game, while my niece and I were coming back from the concession stand, my dad suffered a massive heart attack and died. Paramedics tried to revive him, but he was gone and suddenly I was without both of my parents. I truly believe that Dad died of a broken heart.
Here it is, ten years later, and so much of that day and the ones immediately following are still pretty fresh in my memory. I had lost my hero, the one I looked up to even when I was angry with him. Even though there were things we didn't see eye-to-eye on, I still loved him and knew that he loved me. I see a great deal of my dad in me and even though I didn't get the handyman gene,(that skipped me and went straight to Josh) I did inherit enough stubbornness to at least try. Sometimes I'm successful!
Over the past ten years, I've become more and more comfortable in my own skin, as my father was comfortable in his. I look back with satisfaction at the ways I am like him. It's in those ways, now that I understand better, that I saw Jesus in my dad. Hopefully the same is true with me.
I'm glad I went, because that day would be the last time I would see my father in this life. During halftime of the soccer game, while my niece and I were coming back from the concession stand, my dad suffered a massive heart attack and died. Paramedics tried to revive him, but he was gone and suddenly I was without both of my parents. I truly believe that Dad died of a broken heart.
Here it is, ten years later, and so much of that day and the ones immediately following are still pretty fresh in my memory. I had lost my hero, the one I looked up to even when I was angry with him. Even though there were things we didn't see eye-to-eye on, I still loved him and knew that he loved me. I see a great deal of my dad in me and even though I didn't get the handyman gene,(that skipped me and went straight to Josh) I did inherit enough stubbornness to at least try. Sometimes I'm successful!
Over the past ten years, I've become more and more comfortable in my own skin, as my father was comfortable in his. I look back with satisfaction at the ways I am like him. It's in those ways, now that I understand better, that I saw Jesus in my dad. Hopefully the same is true with me.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Refreshing Streams
A couple of weeks ago, I took a Saturday and went up to a mountain area not too far from here. After dealing with a bit of anxiety that had caused me to end up in the hospital with what I thought might be a heart attack (thankfully, it wasn't), I realized that some old hurts still needed healing and were causing me to be anxious about certain things because I was afraid of being hurt again. A lot of things had been happening in my life the past couple months and I succumbed to the temptation to worry about some of them.
As I was hiking through this area, the air was hot and humid, and the trail was dry. I drank enough water before I started walking, so I wasn't in danger of dehydration, but I did start to get thirsty. After about a mile or so, I came to an area that had a stream flowing through, with a bench for sitting. As I journaled and prayed, one of the thoughts that came to me was the Psalmist saying that he panted after God like a deer pants after water. Even though the stream next to me wasn't fit to drink, I was still reminded of the many times God has refreshed me when I was dry and thirsty.
My Abba Father has always been there for me, even during those times when it didn't seem like it; those times when I felt as if I were wandering in the desert with no water in sight. I can go on these mini retreats because I do have a source of living water from which to drink my fill. I realize there will be times when I will be panting and thirsty, but God will always be there with living water, even if it takes a while to get there.
I know that there will be times ahead that could cause anxiety and that I will be hurt. It goes with hanging around people. But I am also realizing that I am only called to show God's love to folks. I am not responsible for the results. I am learning again to trust my Father's love and goodness, and let him take care of me and those I care about.
The dry, thirsty trails are still there to wander down. But, there is cool, refreshing water along the way.
As I was hiking through this area, the air was hot and humid, and the trail was dry. I drank enough water before I started walking, so I wasn't in danger of dehydration, but I did start to get thirsty. After about a mile or so, I came to an area that had a stream flowing through, with a bench for sitting. As I journaled and prayed, one of the thoughts that came to me was the Psalmist saying that he panted after God like a deer pants after water. Even though the stream next to me wasn't fit to drink, I was still reminded of the many times God has refreshed me when I was dry and thirsty.
My Abba Father has always been there for me, even during those times when it didn't seem like it; those times when I felt as if I were wandering in the desert with no water in sight. I can go on these mini retreats because I do have a source of living water from which to drink my fill. I realize there will be times when I will be panting and thirsty, but God will always be there with living water, even if it takes a while to get there.
I know that there will be times ahead that could cause anxiety and that I will be hurt. It goes with hanging around people. But I am also realizing that I am only called to show God's love to folks. I am not responsible for the results. I am learning again to trust my Father's love and goodness, and let him take care of me and those I care about.
The dry, thirsty trails are still there to wander down. But, there is cool, refreshing water along the way.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Five Year Plans and Wondering
Last night, I was asked where I saw myself in five years. I had a hard time answering that question for two reasons. First, I'm sixty years old and don't know how a five year plan fits in. The second reason is the simple fact that I have done all the daily, weekly, yearly, etc., goals throughout my life, including thinking five and ten years down the road, and very few of my long term plans have come to fruition.
I used to be one of those who bought the concept of setting all those goals in order to have success in career and life. I had all sorts of plans. Plans to coach at the college level, eventually being part of a national championship program. Plans to have a great impact in the lives of young people through my coaching.
Before that, I had plans to be an Olympic class sprinter.
Anyone want to take a guess at how those goals turned out? If you have followed college basketball or international track and field with even the smallest interest, you will know that I never reached those heights. While I was an assistant coach of a women's basketball team for one year at a small college, and I did spend one year running for a nationally recognized track club, those were quite a bit below where I wanted to be.
I used to be somewhat envious of those I knew who had their career track in mind at an early age and were doing exactly what they had envisioned. They had no deviations from the straight and narrow on their career path, while mine looked more like a drunken sailor on his way back to the ship. Not only did the path take some back roads, it sometimes ran along trails that seemed to go nowhere.
I have come to realize that my journey has not been of my planning or of my doing. I know, some of you may be saying, "Here we go. All of the excuses for why he's not successful." And, you may be right. I beg to differ. I believe long ago, God decided that I was not to do this whole planning, accomplishing, and succeeding thing on my own. I tried. I went to school, earned degrees, did internships, sent out resumes, all those things I was supposed to do. I watched folks less qualified get positions I was wanting. I spent time in jobs that didn't come close to fitting my plans. I never did grab the brass ring.
But, you know what? As I look back on my life, I realize that I wouldn't change a thing. Well maybe a couple of things here and there, but overall not a thing. I have had the opportunity to travel as a part of jobs I had. I have had the opportunity to work with some fantastic people and coach some amazing young folks, whether they were star athletes or not. I have had opportunities to learn some lessons that were life changing. Most importantly, I have had a wonderful wife by my side and the privilege of being a father to two wonderful children, both of whom I had the opportunity to coach. And, I have experienced the love and grace of fellow followers of Jesus that I am grateful to own as my brothers and sisters.
To quote the philosopher, Jerry Garcia, "What a long strange trip it's been." I am thankful for the way my Father has led me through all the twisting and turning. I am grateful for all those who have helped me along the way. I guess it's turned out pretty well. I think I'm looking forward to where the road takes me over the years to come. Should be fun.
I used to be one of those who bought the concept of setting all those goals in order to have success in career and life. I had all sorts of plans. Plans to coach at the college level, eventually being part of a national championship program. Plans to have a great impact in the lives of young people through my coaching.
Before that, I had plans to be an Olympic class sprinter.
Anyone want to take a guess at how those goals turned out? If you have followed college basketball or international track and field with even the smallest interest, you will know that I never reached those heights. While I was an assistant coach of a women's basketball team for one year at a small college, and I did spend one year running for a nationally recognized track club, those were quite a bit below where I wanted to be.
I used to be somewhat envious of those I knew who had their career track in mind at an early age and were doing exactly what they had envisioned. They had no deviations from the straight and narrow on their career path, while mine looked more like a drunken sailor on his way back to the ship. Not only did the path take some back roads, it sometimes ran along trails that seemed to go nowhere.
I have come to realize that my journey has not been of my planning or of my doing. I know, some of you may be saying, "Here we go. All of the excuses for why he's not successful." And, you may be right. I beg to differ. I believe long ago, God decided that I was not to do this whole planning, accomplishing, and succeeding thing on my own. I tried. I went to school, earned degrees, did internships, sent out resumes, all those things I was supposed to do. I watched folks less qualified get positions I was wanting. I spent time in jobs that didn't come close to fitting my plans. I never did grab the brass ring.
But, you know what? As I look back on my life, I realize that I wouldn't change a thing. Well maybe a couple of things here and there, but overall not a thing. I have had the opportunity to travel as a part of jobs I had. I have had the opportunity to work with some fantastic people and coach some amazing young folks, whether they were star athletes or not. I have had opportunities to learn some lessons that were life changing. Most importantly, I have had a wonderful wife by my side and the privilege of being a father to two wonderful children, both of whom I had the opportunity to coach. And, I have experienced the love and grace of fellow followers of Jesus that I am grateful to own as my brothers and sisters.
To quote the philosopher, Jerry Garcia, "What a long strange trip it's been." I am thankful for the way my Father has led me through all the twisting and turning. I am grateful for all those who have helped me along the way. I guess it's turned out pretty well. I think I'm looking forward to where the road takes me over the years to come. Should be fun.
Friday, March 4, 2016
Blast From the Past: Out of the Cave, Into the...
This was first posted on February 6, 2012. The healing process had begun.
Some of you have read my recent post about finding myself in a cave. I'm now out of the cave, although still not far from the entrance. I now find myself in the middle of a thicket, sort of like a stand of rhododendron or mountain laurel, so thick that you cannot see out of it. It is still somewhat dark, and the direction I should take is unclear. I see many paths out, but don't know yet which one to take.
There is the path that would take me back into the church world I left a few years ago. Next to it is the path that would take me to the land of the mega-church. Here I could find a place to hide and lick my wounds. One path seems to go in circles, and looks as if it would leave me no better off. Yet another way out continues in the search for community. That is the path that interests me the most, and the way that I have learned most about in the last couple of days.
You see, I have learned something about community, and about myself. I think I'm beginning to learn why I spent time in the dark cave. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a pretty laid back individual, but that when I am passionate about something, I tend to go all out. As I learned more and more about the God's desire for his children to live as brothers and sisters because of Christ, I became more and more passionate with living in community. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.” As I look back on the past year, and my desire to have and fight for community, I realize I inadvertently pushed it too hard and may have been part of the cause of its destruction. I know that my heart was good, but I think I may have wanted community so badly that I didn't see the problems that it was causing. Even though I tried to sacrificially love those around me, I think that I didn't leave room for God to work, thinking that as long as we spent enough time together, growth and maturity would automatically happen.
I now realize that community is something that has to happen naturally, as God's people learn to love one another. It is something that cannot be forced, and the Holy Spirit must be the one to form it rather than humans whose motives can be tainted by our own needs. I also realize that a particular form of community may not last as long as I think, and that I need to be willing to let it go when it is time. For those of you reading this who have been on the receiving end of my misguided efforts, I am sorry. I put the ideal of community ahead of my brothers and sisters. I was wrong.
As to what is next in this journey along the back roads, only God knows. I know that Jan and I still desire to share our lives with some fellow Christ-followers. I also know that it may not take any form that we expect. It may be in a regular gathering. It may take place in just getting together with one or two who share our desire. What I also know is that I want it to be something that happens as Christ's Spirit moves, not when I think it should happen.
I'm learning to trust my Father. As I leave the thicket, I want to be hear my Shepherd's voice and follow him wherever he leads, whenever he leads, and to whatever he leads. I would appreciate your prayers.
Some of you have read my recent post about finding myself in a cave. I'm now out of the cave, although still not far from the entrance. I now find myself in the middle of a thicket, sort of like a stand of rhododendron or mountain laurel, so thick that you cannot see out of it. It is still somewhat dark, and the direction I should take is unclear. I see many paths out, but don't know yet which one to take.
There is the path that would take me back into the church world I left a few years ago. Next to it is the path that would take me to the land of the mega-church. Here I could find a place to hide and lick my wounds. One path seems to go in circles, and looks as if it would leave me no better off. Yet another way out continues in the search for community. That is the path that interests me the most, and the way that I have learned most about in the last couple of days.
You see, I have learned something about community, and about myself. I think I'm beginning to learn why I spent time in the dark cave. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a pretty laid back individual, but that when I am passionate about something, I tend to go all out. As I learned more and more about the God's desire for his children to live as brothers and sisters because of Christ, I became more and more passionate with living in community. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.” As I look back on the past year, and my desire to have and fight for community, I realize I inadvertently pushed it too hard and may have been part of the cause of its destruction. I know that my heart was good, but I think I may have wanted community so badly that I didn't see the problems that it was causing. Even though I tried to sacrificially love those around me, I think that I didn't leave room for God to work, thinking that as long as we spent enough time together, growth and maturity would automatically happen.
I now realize that community is something that has to happen naturally, as God's people learn to love one another. It is something that cannot be forced, and the Holy Spirit must be the one to form it rather than humans whose motives can be tainted by our own needs. I also realize that a particular form of community may not last as long as I think, and that I need to be willing to let it go when it is time. For those of you reading this who have been on the receiving end of my misguided efforts, I am sorry. I put the ideal of community ahead of my brothers and sisters. I was wrong.
As to what is next in this journey along the back roads, only God knows. I know that Jan and I still desire to share our lives with some fellow Christ-followers. I also know that it may not take any form that we expect. It may be in a regular gathering. It may take place in just getting together with one or two who share our desire. What I also know is that I want it to be something that happens as Christ's Spirit moves, not when I think it should happen.
I'm learning to trust my Father. As I leave the thicket, I want to be hear my Shepherd's voice and follow him wherever he leads, whenever he leads, and to whatever he leads. I would appreciate your prayers.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Blast From the Past: The Cave
This was first posted on January 25, 2012. It was not a good time in my life. Thankfully the Father has redeemed and brought healing. Sometimes it's good to look back and see where we were and where we are now.
Papa! Papa! Where am I?
How did I get here? It's so dark. I can't see a thing!
I remember walking along the path with my friends. Next thing I know I'm waking up here in the dark. I think I remember the path passing near the entrance of a cave. Is that where I am?
How do you feel?
Everything hurts. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Now I remember. We were walking along when I was hit by something. Who would have done something like this?
An Enemy has done this.
Papa, it hurts so bad! I don't understand! I'm all alone here in the darkness and I feel like everyone has abandoned me!
You are not alone. Your most trusted long time companion is near, waiting for you. I am here.
How did this happen? Everything seemed good. There was some loose rock on the path at times, and there were some places where part of the path had washed away. but I thought we had gotten past them. I thought this part of the journey was going well. I thought we were together.
Papa?
I'm broken. I feel like I can't move. I'm afraid to try because I can't see and I don't know if it's safe. I don't know what to do!
Do you remember the time you spent in the desert learning to trust me rather than what you expected me to do?
Yes, I do. That was hard.
You still have more to learn.
Does it have to be so painful? I'd rather lose a job again than feel so hurt and rejected!
Papa, what do I do?
Stay here for awhile. Don't move. I know it's dark and you're scared, but I'm here with you. You are broken, but my love will heal you. You are safe here. Learn again to trust me. No matter what.
When the time comes, I will lead you out of this place, and you and the person who truly loves you will continue on in your journey with me.
Papa, help me! I have no strength.
I know. I am your strength. I love you, son.
Papa! Papa! Where am I?
How did I get here? It's so dark. I can't see a thing!
I remember walking along the path with my friends. Next thing I know I'm waking up here in the dark. I think I remember the path passing near the entrance of a cave. Is that where I am?
How do you feel?
Everything hurts. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Now I remember. We were walking along when I was hit by something. Who would have done something like this?
An Enemy has done this.
Papa, it hurts so bad! I don't understand! I'm all alone here in the darkness and I feel like everyone has abandoned me!
You are not alone. Your most trusted long time companion is near, waiting for you. I am here.
How did this happen? Everything seemed good. There was some loose rock on the path at times, and there were some places where part of the path had washed away. but I thought we had gotten past them. I thought this part of the journey was going well. I thought we were together.
Papa?
I'm broken. I feel like I can't move. I'm afraid to try because I can't see and I don't know if it's safe. I don't know what to do!
Do you remember the time you spent in the desert learning to trust me rather than what you expected me to do?
Yes, I do. That was hard.
You still have more to learn.
Does it have to be so painful? I'd rather lose a job again than feel so hurt and rejected!
Papa, what do I do?
Stay here for awhile. Don't move. I know it's dark and you're scared, but I'm here with you. You are broken, but my love will heal you. You are safe here. Learn again to trust me. No matter what.
When the time comes, I will lead you out of this place, and you and the person who truly loves you will continue on in your journey with me.
Papa, help me! I have no strength.
I know. I am your strength. I love you, son.
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